My First Final Exam

Getting measured by the trainer at the gym is like showing up for math class and realizing you haven’t studied for the final exam that is about to begin in 1 minute. I was dreading this moment, and as far as I was concerned there was nothing left to do, but sit down and pull out my number 2 pencil.

Keisha started with my weight.

“Okay, you were 169 pounds last time…” she said perusing the numbers she took on the first day we met, about a month ago.

I stepped onto the scale, slid the weights to the right until the little metal arm balanced,

“and, you are 169 pounds now. No change.” She wrote 169 down on her paper.

“I’ve already failed and the test has only just begun!” I thought.

“Now, your measurements; first your bust. You were 42 inches last time…”

I put my arms up as she wrapped the measuring tape around my top.

“and you are 42 inches now. No change.” She wrote 42 down on her paper.

“How can that be?” I thought, “I have been busting my ass at the gym for weeks! No more beer!”

“Okay,” Keisha smiled at me, sensing my growing despair, “let’s measure the arms.” Again, the tape was wrapped around my bicep.

Silence.

“Same.”

“Ha!” I tried to laugh it off, but I think it came out more like a hysterical monkey scream than a laugh. Is it lame to cry at the gym?

“Okay, the waist.”

“No!” I thought, “not the waist.” I will just run out of the building if this measurement turns out to be the same as it was a month ago. I will run out of the front door and go gorge myself on fried twinkies, rare fatty steaks, and beer

“35.25 inches!” Keisha said, “that’s .75 less than last time!”

“Hooray.” I mumbled to myself, “What’s that, an F+ so far?”

“Now the hips…” Around went the tape again. “You’ve gone down almost 2 inches!”

Now that perked me up. 2 inches is not too shabby.

And it got better from there on out. Apparently I am losing the inches from the bottom up. So at the end of the measuring, Keisha announced the final total.

“3.75 inches lost (like I want them to be found again?), and 3.2% body fat loss! Congratulations!”

It was hard to not feel like I had just received a D- on my final exam, but my instructor seemed happy with the results so I perked up.

Our workout seemed harder than usual, but it has been a week since I workout. (Damn those holiday weekends!) We made a plan for a better diet and she sent me on my way. So, back to work until the next final exam. Maybe next time I will at least get a C. That’s passing right?