"We believe in nothing, Lebowski."

This weekend we celebrated Phil’s birthday by throwing a Big Lebowski Birthday Bash. We created a bowling lane in the backyard, set up a “movie screen” (it was a sheet stapled to the entrance of the garage), and watched the movie sitting on the rug in the back yard. We even created our very own Big Lebowski drinking game. Here are the rules.

Everyone must drink when the following things happen:
1. When the dude drinks
2. Anytime there are bare breasts
3. When a strike is bowled
4. When you spot a VW bug
Then, Dan went through the script and picked out key phrases or words that happen often in the movie, e.g. “Jackie Treehorn”, “Amateur”, and “Shut up, Donny”. He printed out the phrases on slips of paper and we each drew from a mug. Each person was required to drink when their word or phrase was uttered. It was very funny.

Costumes were also encouraged. Someone came as "the rug" and we had a few nihilists. Dan, Piper and I spent the afternoon designing our costumes. Can you guess who we were from the movie? See more pictures here.
I think that we will have to have a yearly Lebowski Fest from now on. The white Russians were flowing, and a great time was had by all. Happy Birthday Phil!

Customer Service

When I am at work, I sit next to the woman who takes all customer complaints for the whole company. She took a call from a customer at least fifteen minutes ago and I haven’t heard her say one word yet. I liked to imagine the other side of the call, the side I can’t hear. I like to try to imagine the most outrageous things that an irate customer could say. I bet the things in my imagination are not even half as good as the real thing.

She is still sitting there silent. Is the customer screaming at her, or perhaps just reading her a 14 page long list of complaints. Maybe she is happy and can’t stop talking about the merits and great qualities of this company. Oh no, I just heard, “well if it important to you, then it is important to us. We want to hear your concerns.” Yikes, that can’t be good; and after all of this silence. It is making me nervous.

Working in customer service takes a certain type of patience. I remember the first time I got an irate customer call. I was working for a large bookstore and I picked up the phone to stop its incessant ringing when I was greeted by an angry voice. I can’t really remember what the customer was yelling at me about, but by the end of it I was flustered and close to tears. “Why does he hate me so much?” I thought. That was my first lesson in customer service. What seems like such a personal interaction because emotions are involved is actually not personal at all; you just happen to be the person on the other end of the problem and got lucky enough to answer the phone.

I felt pretty confident after I figured that out, although there were still scary times. Like almost getting assaulted by the drunk in the music department singing obscene lyrics in front of the kids section, or the time that the bipolar customer starting pulling out his hair and then smashed the front door on his way out. Most of the time customers just want to be heard, they just want to vent.

That must be what is happening on the phone in the cube next to me. It sounds like she is just trying to vent. Now my cube neighbor is waving her arms in the arm, and shooting the phone the middle finger. And yet her voice remains so level and patient as she consoles and reassures that we will do all that we can to please her. Amazing. It takes a certain kind of person.

Virginia is for Funerals

The last time I was in Virginia I ended up getting stuck in two, count them, two massive funerals. Yesterday I was driving home from Richmond and I got stuck in the middle of yet another funeral. At first I thought there was an accident up ahead as I saw flashing lights, but as I eased down the hill, the flashing red and blues moved slowly forward. I didn’t think much about it, although I was cursing my luck for getting stuck in a traffic jam. The traffic began to thin out and as I crested another hill I saw the cop again, this time on the other side of the road, blocking traffic so that a massive line of cars could cut across traffic and off of the highway. I whisked by in the left hand lane and it was only as I raced irreverently past them mourners and glanced into a car that I actually realized what was happening. Another funeral; and in Virginia of all places. I am staying out of that state from now on.

My Mental Breakdown

Everyone needs to have a little mental break down once in awhile. Not “shotgun from the bell tower” mental break down, but “stand and bawl at the kitchen sink” kind of break down. That’s what I did yesterday and it is amazing how cleansing that can be. I was feeling so stressed out, but after the crying, the comforting and the sleep, things feel more manageable. Poor Bronwen sat on the kitchen counter eating oranges and squishing water out of the kitchen sponges all over her pants during the whole event. She is so good at entertaining herself when I most need it. I wonder it she will remember crazy mommy breaking down. Well, if she doesn’t remember this one, I am sure there will be more in future to assure that she really thinks that her mother is crazy. Or at least really dorky and weird.

Bee-Hummingbird-Moth

"Catbug is a cat but he's got bugness in his veins/ Manhouse lives within himself with thoughtful human brains/ Neither one is equal to the challenge of the freak we'll call the/ Bee of the Bird of the Moth."
-They Might Be Giants

As promised here is the list of animals who's name contains the name of another animal.
Ant Bear
Anteater
Antlion
Barnacle Goose
Bee Hummingbird
Bull Terrier
Bulldog
Bullfinch
Bullfrog
Camel Fly
Camel Spider
Caterpillar
Cat-Eyed Snake
Catfish
Cattle Dog
Cattle Egret
Crab Spider
Crabeater Seal
Cranefly
Crayfish
Crayfish Snake
Crocodile Bird
Cuttlefish
Deerhound
Deer Tick
Dogfish
Duck-Billed Platypus
Elephant Seal
Elephant Shrew
Elkhound
Fish Eagle
Flycatcher
Flying Fox
Fox Snake
Foxhound
Geoduck
Giant Bird-Eating Spider
Gopher Snake
Groundhog
Guinea Pig
Hawk Moth
Hedgehog
Horse Crab
Horse Fly
Horseshoe Bat
Hummingbird Moth
Jellyfish
Kangaroo Dog
Kangaroo Mouse
Killer Whale
Koala Bear
Ladybird
Leopard Seal
Lionfish
Mole Viper
Mongoose
Mosquito Hawk
Mouse bird
Mouse-Like Hamster
Mule Deer
Naked Mole Rat
Oystercatcher
Panda Bear
Parrot Fish
Pitbull
Polecat
Prairie Dog
Rat Snake
Rat Terrier
Rhinoceros Beetle
Sea Cow
Sea Horse
Sea Monkey
Sea Wolf
Sealion
Sheepdog
Sloth Bear
Slow Worm
Sparrowhawk
Spider Crab
Spider Monkey
Squirrel fish
Stag Beetle
Staghound
Starfish
Tarantula Mimic Moth
Tarantula Hawk Wasp
Teddybear Hamster
Tiger Fish
Tiger Rattlesnake
Tiger Shark
Tiger Shrimp
Tiger Snake
Titmouse
Tortoise Shell Butterfly
Tortoiseshell Cat
Turkey Vulture
Turtle Dove
Whale Shark
Wolfhound
Wolf Snake
Wolf Spider
Wombat
Worm Snake
Zebra Finch
Zebra Fish

Getting Ready for Our Date

I have always been a fan of extreme weather. I even considered working towards a degree in meteorology. But there is nothing like coming up against extreme weather face to face to give you a healthy respect for the power that is Mother Nature.

Saturday night Dan and I were getting ready to leave the house. We had a date. I had purchase they Might Be Giants tickets (it was supposed to be a surprise) and we had a babysitter due to arrive at any minute.

I was standing by the back window watching the edge of storm heading towards us. I decided that it looked pretty nasty and was typing in “weather.com” when the wind began to pick up. Instead of dying down after what seemed like a huge gust, the wind continued to build. I glanced out side, my pulse beginning to race, and saw the trees being blown sideways.

“Dan, get the baby!” I yelled over the noise of the wind, and watched as Dan grabbed Bronwen off the couch and raced by me into the basement.

We stood in the middle of the basement watching the wind blow outside. After only about a minute, the wind died down and we cautiously climbed the steps to see what was happening.

I looked out the window and the first thing I saw was a whole section of fence lying in our yard. The second thing I noticed was that our shade tent was gone!

“Dan, our fence is destroyed!” I yelled. “And the tent is gone!”

We went outside to assess the damage. Half of the fence had been blown over. One piece was in our yard, the other in our neighbors'. The large tent had been blown to the other side of the yard and was broken in three places. A large oak branch had fallen from the tree and smashed into our other neighbors’ fence, missing Dan’s car by a few feet.

I am pretty sure that the time it took for the wind to pick up and then die down couldn’t have been more than ninety seconds, but the damage it did was impressive.

Hamsters

Today I was thinking about hamsters. There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this as I was working on a word puzzle sent to us from our friends in Los Gatos. Here it is: come up with the name of an animal where part of the name is actually that of another animal. The example given by Jared was: CAT FISH. I think we are going to have a fair list, which I promise I will compile and list on this blog, but back to the hamsters.

When I was in fourth grade my neighbors down the street had a hamster that had babies. After sufficient begging my parents let me have one which I kept in my attic bedroom. It was a TEDDYBEAR HAMSTER. I named it, wait for it, “Teddy”. This hamster was a real bastard hamster. Everyday I would reach into its cage to pet it and it would bite me, hard enough to draw blood, everyday. My parents told me to keep handling it so that it would get used to me and eventually stop biting. Everyday, I would get home from school, reach in to pet it, get bit, and cry. This went on for what seemed like months.

One day in the summer, I came home from the pool and dutifully reached into the cage to pet “Teddy”. I had gotten pretty jittery about the whole thing, after being bitten so many times. I eased my hand slowly toward the sleeping thing to try once again. As my finger tips reached his little furry back I was prepared to jerk my hand back, but was pleasantly surprised when he didn’t move at all. I quickly reached around his body to lift him up and suddenly realized, to my horror, that he was cold and hard. I dropped his dead body and it fell to the floor, bouncing a little, with the sound of wood on wood. I cried.

I went downstairs to my parents, tears streaming down my face. I was sad that the thing was dead, I wanted a new pet. How about some SEA MONKEYS or a RAT SNAKE or even a GUINEA PIG?