I had a great conversation with my dad last Monday that resulted in my experiencing a revelation. We were discussing the challenges of raising an extremely independent and headstrong two year old. I was expressing my frustrations; she always wants to do things her way, and we are usually not moving in the same direction. But by the end of the conversation I came to realize that
1. It is good to have an independent child. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of any parent? As much as we want to have our little babies stay little babies for ever, our goal should be to provide a child with the knowledge, skills, practice and support needed to go out into the world and be successful. Plus, someday I want to have the house back to ourselves!
And
2. I should be leveraging her need to be independent to help her to learn skills and to help me get things do too!
So, last Tuesday morning I tried an experiment based on my new ideas (and some feedback from my dad) about helping Bronwen and I get things done. Most morning recently have been a struggle, I fight her to get dressed. She fights me on everything. So I tried this.
I gave her a new diaper, outfit, socks and shoes and asked her to get dressed and walked out of the room. I went back to doing my hair in the bathroom. Every few minutes she would say, “Mommy, help.” And I would help her with the crooked sock, or the pesky latches on her shoes, but then I would go right back to the bathroom. A few minutes later she walked into the room fully dressed, proud of herself and ready to go to school. AND, I was ready to go too! It was perfect.
As a parent, I am always in a hurry. My taking some extra time, I can let her try, make mistakes, and try again, without being totally freaked out, and stressed about getting out of the door. Now, Bronwen can dress herself, fetch a juice box, climb into her car seat, put on her own jacket, and open the front door (that one is a little scary), all things that make my life easier and help her to be better prepared to go out into the world someday.
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3 comments:
I say give her a broom and put that little lady to work!
Actually, that's another thing we have fought about in the past. I always want to sweep up the room quickly, but she wants to sweep too. She doesn't do a very good job because, well, the broom is three times longer than her. Anyway, I am learning to let her just sweep away, then when she gets bored, I come in and finish (well, start and finish)the job. You're right though, make that kid work! I keep asking her when she's going to get a job?
I'm so glad that the morning routine is less stressful.
BTW, you were just as independent. The difference was that you also felt responsible for your little brother, so you would do what you had to do for yourself and then help him! And as to what I was doing... well, I was probably changing or dressing with your little sister. : )
I have power again! Finally. Nine days without electric power has been a revelation.
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