Actually, there is a verruca on my uvula. How often does one get to say that? Perhaps no one has ever said that before. Well, I said it, and its true, and I am mad as hell about it. Here's the story.
Yesterday I went to the dentist for my 6 month check-up. The dental hygienist scraped around my mouth for awhile and then said,
"there's a growth on your uvula."
Images of massive toad stools, miles of scratchy lichen mold, warts, congenital twins all hanging off my uvula flashed through my mind.
"Weally?" I drooled calmly with my mouth still wide open.
"Here, look."
As my chair slowly eased into sitting position she handed me a large handled mirror and turned that blinding dentist light to shine into my mouth. I opened my mouth wider and looked on in mild disgust as she took the little mouth mirror and pushed the growth (it looked like a flap of skin hanging next to my uvula) from side to side.
"See?" she asked and then said the word that really should be avoided at all costs when sitting in any kind of a doctors office,
"it doesn't look like cancer."
Wow, thanks, I thought. I feel so much better now that all I can think about is the giant cancerous growth in my mouth.
"Umm, so what should I do about this?"
"Oral surgeon," she said.
"What will they do?" I asked, starting to get a bit irritated that I was having to work so hard to get this information.
"They'll cut it out, biopsy it."
The rest of the appointment was silent, except for the whirring of the tooth polishing machine and water running in the spittoon.
The only good thing about going to my dentist is how much he loves my teeth. After the hygeinist has manhandeled my mouth, he always comes in to check things out. He looks at my teeth, tells a funny story (this time about snow and the car wash) and stands up to leave saying,
"Very nice."
In the doorway he will turn dramatically, look down at me over his strange dentist super-specs (they look like jewel microscope glasses) and says,
"You have beautiful teeth." (He stretches the world beautiful into five syllables). I can't help but feel wonderful. Sneaky dentist.
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8 comments:
This could be contributing to your sleep apnia. Have it removed! If you need me to help out, I'll be there. Schedule it for March 19 or 20th.
"Congenital twins" killed me. I spit on my screen. People looked at me like I was insane. I am going to say these two words together for the rest of my life. Oh, and I also misread "uvula" the first time. Pretty close to "vulva" for the mildly anagrammatic, you know. Or maybe it's my bowling. More gutters than strikes, if you know what I'm saying.
Say, I think it's about time for an update on this here subject. We're hanging! We love you.
ummm...I would have that checked out, cause is sounds like it could be HPV. for real!
krissy
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Those dentists are the types that make you wanna go back to them. Haha! I bet my nieces are going to wish that they can have a dentist as friendly as yours here in Colorado Springs, Colorado. By the way, did you have your oral surgery? What did those little things near your uvula look like? That kind made me really curious.
Did you get rid of that? did you have to go to the dentist or did it disappear by itself?
i have the same thing and i'm really worried!
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